Depression

Depression has won another battle. I spent this afternoon at a funeral grieving for a mother and her children, friends of mine. They lost their husband/father a few days ago. He couldn't fight any more. His depression won. And this is not the first time that I have lost a friend in this way.

Having struggled through bouts of depression myself I know that simply existing can be exhausting. At my worst I simply felt numb, like nothing really mattered. Moving around the house, feeding my kids, answering the phone, I felt as if I was walking through waist deep water. Exhausting.... However, my depression has never felt so painful that I ever considered ending my life, and I hope that it never does.

How do people do it, I wonder. How does a person, living with such excruciating emotional pain, make it through every day? I know that problem solving, planning ahead, just thinking, go out the window when depression takes over. Is that why some people loose? Is that why they don't find the right medicine or the right therapy or the right whatever they need to feel better?

It's not right! It's not fair to their loved ones. My friend was a fantastic father. Now his boys don't have him anymore. Helpless, that's how I feel, helpless and angry. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? If I could figure out how to stop it I would do anything that I could to help.

More tears and lots of prayers. Please pray for them all.